Tag: choice

what family looks like

Karla Lees

image

Today is Family day here in Ontario, falling the day after Valentine’s.

Which got me thinking about love and family.

To me, there are three different types of family, which ideally represent the three main types of love:

The family we are born into is meant to be our Agape love foundation. Agape love is meant for each person, whether they know God or not. It was meant to be a love we offer regardless of how we like one another or not, by choosing to love. You may or may not have experienced this type of love in your family, which may make it hard for you to accept God’s choice to love you no matter what.

The family we choose is designed to meet our need for Philos love. Philos love is sisterhood/brotherhood love, the kind of companion or best friend love we all need. And it’s the one we choose for ourselves, based on our likes/dislikes. This kind of love can also not be what we hoped for or expect, as its based upon others.

The family which chooses us represents the best love, God’s love. Eros love is the deep passionate desire and longing kind of love, which initially draws hearts together to long for more besides agape (security) and philos (friendship) love.

All of human love is a pale reflection of the Love which was and is the source of them.

For we are fallible, and will let each other down, even those we love.

God’s love isn’t like ours. It’s puree without flaw. Deliberately chosen and eternally held dear.

His Agape love?
It is for always.
(John 15:12-13, Romans 5:8)

His Philos love?
It is for everyone.
(John 5:20)

His Eros love?
It is forever.
(Song of Song 1:1-4)

For His heart? His heart is:

●To place the lonely into families.
(Psalm 68:6)
●To restore the brokenhearted.
(Psalm 147:3, Psalm 34:18)
●To comfort the hurting and mourners. (Job 5:11)
●To hear your cries. (Isaiah 41:10)
●To fill you with His love. (Ephesians 3:19)
●To never leave you. (Romans 8:37-39)

If your family isn’t quite what you hoped for, wounded you or abandoned you…

If your best friend hurts you or your spouse breaks it off with you…

There is still hope to be found in love.

God’s love is the purest love there is. It is yours to receive, and He longs for you to be one of His.

For He not only made you, He loves you. No matter what. And He wants you part of His family.

Family here on earth may let you down. God never will.

Take a few moments to ponder His love for you.

Allow His love to bypass your wounds and walls, and fill you up beyond your imagination.

For if you invite His love in, He will come. His love cannot help but do so!

Family is about love.
Love which chooses one another even though there may be failures or wounding.

Family is at the heart of God.
For He is family all in One.
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Ever loving one another, ever reminding us all we are wanted and loved.

As family.
As friends.
As the Beloved.

community: family by choice

Karla Lees

image

I am very blessed in community.

I know several people who feel like they are all alone in their circumstances or situations, and the reality is: often it’s due to your choices.

We don’t always reach out to show our need nor vulnerability when we can, so we essentially build a wall to block out connection when everything within us may be craving it.

Connection begins with a choice to be vulnerable, and let someone in.

Community happens when hearts are knit together through regular connection.

Family occurs when God blesses community with a love which can only come through weathering the storms arm in arm, knowing your family has your back and won’t leave you on your own.

Jesus modeled this well while He walked among us.

He carried an atmosphere of invitation to those who were outcast and lonely in society, and they came.

The disciples are a perfect example of choosing to connect, seeing what someone is capable of beyond their current situation, becoming community through shared living, and becoming family by choice.

God deliberately chooses to connect with each of us.  He wants us to live in close community with Him, Abba Jesus Holy Spirit.  He wants you to walk knowing you are already in His forever family, even if we aren’t physically there yet.

God didn’t choose those we would automatically assume would be on the inside.

For His community is family by His choice.

●Cain, marked with His divine protection despite his crime.

●Jacob, wrestling with God after stealing his brother’s birthright.

●Saul, more concerned with following his fears than God’s leading.

●David, lacking strong self control over his attraction to women.

●Solomon, who tried everything under the sun to come to the realization that without God, all is futile.

●Paul, murderer of the faithful.

●Moses, the stutterer.

And just so we keep it real, there were also women He chose to include in His community which make us sit up and pay attention:

○Sarai, who laughed off the Promise to come.

○Hagar, who took off when things got tough.

○Pilate’s Roman wife, who had dreams of the Jewish Messiah.

○Elizabeth, barren for so long she must have given up hope of a child, chosen to bear the forerunner to the Messiah. (And her priest husband ●Zachariah, struck dumb when he doubted the angel delivering God’s Good News, in the Holy of Holies!)

○Tamar, who tricked her father-in-law to do the right thing but broke the law to do so.

○The Samaritan woman at the well, with her colourful history, spreading the word about living water.

All of these people are and were part of His story through the family He chose to create.

And we are included.

We have the opportunity to build community and family wherever we are,  for we carry God with us.

The Father who is just waiting for us to come near and join the family.

The Son who is just waiting to connect with us and not only show us who we truly are but help us become whole.

The Holy Spirit who draws us into community, helping us to see beyond our natural sight the Kingdom He is shaping about us.

Community is family by choice.

It has always been God’s choice to choose you.

It is your choice to accept the invitation of life long family and beyond which He has always offered, or stand alone on your own two feet.

Only you can make the decision to move into connection, to stay isolated in your current situation.

Community is family by choice.

pressing in for connection

Karla Lees

Until you commit to the goal of connection, all the relational tools in the world are not going to help you. It’s only when you decide to take responsibility to pursue connection that you will discover just why you need these tools. It’s only when you commit to moving toward someone that you will seek the knowledge and skills necessary to reach them. – Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On

image

It’s only in the choosing that our pursuit ignites with purpose.

If you encountered someone who was deaf, and you wanted to communicate with them, you would seek out sign language to help you do so. If they were blind, you might learn to write them a letter in braille, or add more descriptive words to your dialogue.

When we choose to love someone, we decide to study them and find out what they love, then discover how we can best offer them our love.

And we can only do so when we chose to do so whole heartedly.

image

Jeremiah 29:13 reminds us that God promises those who chose to wholeheartedly seek Him will find Him.

When we are intent on learning more about the ones we love, we will discover who they are.

And when we discover who they are, we are able to love them more deeply and whole heartedly in response.

It all begins with our choice.

Will we press in for deeper connection, or settle for surface level fluff?

Like cotton candy, which tastes good going down but doesn’t satisfy your hunger, surface loving never satisfies our deeper longing to connect with one another.

Because God ultimately hardwired us to connect with Him, and to one another.

I have decided to throw off my usually cover of restraint and purposely chase after God with all I am and have.

And I am choosing to do the same in all my relationships.

With God as the primary lover of my soul, and His guidance, I will discover how to love more, deeper, stronger and better.

For when Love Himself is your pursuit, and promises to be found by all who purpose to seek after Him?

With Him, I can love as He intends. With all my heart, for His glory and his honour, to better His Kingdom. Loving those about me as He has designed them to want to be loved, and as His love overflows through me to and for them.

Your choice

Karla Lees

I was struck at the thought this morning that God leaves much in our hands, but nothing astounds me more than…

The ability to choose.

Choice. To head left or right. To move or stay. To say yes or no. To give or take. To forgive or hold s grudge.

Most of our life happens as a result of our combined choices.

And God, in His plans, leaves the choices up to us.

You see, He made His choice.

The cross and resurrection didn’t just happen. They were His deliberate choice to show us a better way. To reveal His heart for all humanity. To give us an option to choose real life versus being stuck in survival mode. To overcome and defeat sin, instead of being led by it.

His choice was us.

All of us.

His choice sets everyone free who chooses Him.

And there is the crux of the matter.

We need to choose Him in order for His choice to apply to us.

Without welcoming Him in, His choice hovers above without ever landing within the open hearts and spreading the Good News that we are His.

Our choices can block us from fully living as His.

And this free will was His choice.

You see, He loves us so much He wants our love freely given in return.

He wants to be our choice as much as He chose us.

Who wouldn’t want the one they love to return their love?

He made His choice when He laid down His life for you.

Now the choice is yours.
image

PS. Tomorrow, unpacking our choices….

wading through persuasion

Karla Lees

So many times, on our hesitation to act, we can allow ourselves to become persuaded.

If the counsel is prudent, we may avoid trouble ahead. If the counsel is not, we might be acquiring more than we bargained for.

In the novel Persuasion, Anne Elliot has a whirlwind romance at the age of 19 with a naval officer, Frederick Wentworth, yet to begin his adventures at sea.

When he proposes so soon after meeting, Anne is unsure what to do. I believe the fact her level headed mother had found herself quickly married to a handsome baronet (who only thought of his own vanity & societal positioning), she may have been raised being warned of a quick match. Her father immediately rejected his suit due to Frederick’s lack of social standing & wealth.

Anne sought counsel from her mother’s best friend, Last Russell, as to whether she should follow her heart or not. Anne accepted Lady Russell’s wisdom in saying no, in her being too young, and the suitor had not yet made his way on the world, and so broke the engagement.

Instead of praying about it, she sought earthly clarifaction for in fact the major decision any young woman at the time could make. She didn’t have enough faith to pursue what He might have to say in this most important decision.

Frederick was understandably persuaded she did not return his affection, which was untrue.

8 years pass, and they have both harbored resentment alongside their broken hearts when they chance to meet again.

Anne is not the same timid young woman she was at 19.
Now Captain Wentworth, Frederick has made his fortune on the seas, and now commandeers respect for his choice of career.

In the small circle of acquaintances & family they find themselves traveling with, they soon come to learn over a six month period how they Ned to forgive, and are persuaded by their own thoughts & circumstances to give love another chance.

I an happy to say, Anne refuses to listen as people attempt to persuade her not to accept the Captain.

How does this relate to us, today, in the real world?

We too are distracted and regularly persuaded in our society & culture.

The media not so subtly persuades us to believe everything at first glance without in-depth study or knowledge.

Unsure as to who we really are, we tend to seek counsel in our peers or those we admire in an attempt to persuade ourselves what to do, or not to do, in a situation or choice.

The enemy is also on the prowl, on the look out for how he can persuade us to step off the path of safety. He longs for nothing more than to make us stumble, or be caught unawares by the consequences of what he is persuading us to give in to.

We tend to rattle things through our minds,  emotions and by those around us instead of seeking the One who knows us best, and has only the best plans for us.

Do you again need to be persuaded of His absolute passion for you?

His ardor never failing, His grip never slipping, His intentions only for your/my good.

His love for us displayed on the cross was the absolute display meant to persuade us all of just how much He loves us.

He needs not do anymore to persuade us.

He spent from the Garden of Eden to the Garden of Golgotha persuading His people of His love, until He took the most radical step to finally persuade us, once and for all.

I believe God knows we are like sheep, and have a tendency to only look around us, instead of at the Shepherd taking care of us.

Its time to be persuaded to seek Him first.

It is hard to be in love with someone who doesn’t spend time with you, who takes off at the first sign of trouble, and is easily persuaded through false sources that you don’t love them.

One would think God to be tired of persuading us.

However, His Spirit is constantly at work doing just that.

Reminding us how much He loves us.

As if each of us was His only love.

Persuading us to come, spend time with Him, and believe Him.

Allowing ourselves to be persuaded to follow where He leads.

Our Groom awaits His Bride, longing for her to become secure in His devotion.

Will you allow yourself to be persuaded by the One who is worthy to do so?

I-Have-Loved-None-But-You-persuasion-5170909-1024-768

 

 

be kind

Karla Lees

There are many kinds of people out there in this world.

Not all of them are kind.

You too may have brushed up against one, have one in your family, or work with one.

Sometimes they don’t know any better, because they have not been shown much kindness in their lives.

Sometimes they know they are being unkind, and they don’t care about the explosive hurt they hurl at those they come across.

What are you & I to do when someone we know, or meet, is unkind to us?

Be kind.

Hurt people do hurtful things, and hurl hurtful words.

That is their choice.

Our choice is to show them the better way. To walk in the kindness of Jesus, and be kind.

For our actions reflect our choices, not those of others when we remain in control of our emotions & decisions.

“Why should I be kind?” my daughter asked me years ago when she had been picked on at school.

I told her, “You being kind lets people know who you are. Do you want to be known as mean, or kind?”

Today, she is one of the kindness women I know. Kids flock to her because they can sense her genuine kindness and care for them. Her path has not been easy, but she has always responded with kindness to the obstacles she has faced.

Because she too knows the One who is the most kind, who helps us show kindness in the face of opposition.

The One who was so kind, He chose to take everyone’s sins on the cross, even those of His enemies.

image

The One who went to the cross because of His great love for us all.

The One who offers this love at all times to all people, always.

Such kindness the world had never quite experienced before the cross, not since.

We don’t end up where we were headed because of His kindness.

We were headed for the pit,
now we get to sit at His banquet!

Beloved of God.

I would say that is the beat example of kindness I could imagine. Showing love & care to all, regardless of their response.

If God could show such radical kindness to the whole world, I believe He can help us be kind to the people we come across each day….we only need ask for His help to see them as He does- those desperate for a kind & loving God.

Is it easy to be kind?
Not always.
Some times it is a sacrifice of obedience, showing kindness to someone whose words or actions cause our stomachs to roll or our teeth to clench.

But knowing Jesus, the kindest man I have ever met. The One who doesn’t hold my mistakes against me and always gives me a second Chance when I genuinely ask for one?

How could I not share the kindness He has shown me?

where are you drawn to sit?

Karla Lees

image

I don’t know about you, but I am much more comfortable with a person who is down to earth than one who thinks too highly about themselves.

Oh sure, they may have cool skills, or have completed awesome tasks with accolades, but humility within a person is what truly makes them great.

I love how Jesus came amongst us:

Humble, born to a good family that had fallen on hard times with their country being occupied by outsiders.

A knowledgeable man who knew His bible inside & out (coz He is part author!) yet took the time to put it into story & fable for common folk to grasp its meaning, yet smart enough to outwit the best scholars of His day. A rabbi for everyone, not just His disciples.

A skilled man who got His hands dirty learning a trade, who camped in the outdoors & walked everywhere.

A compassionate man who never turned down a genuine request.  Who made the best wine come at the time when the cheapest is usually served.

The one who walked the path to the cross and suffered such pain, humiliation, affliction and soul torment to reunite us to Himself, once and for all.

The one who sat with the IRS, mentally ill, blue collared workers, drop outs and zealots.  Let a woman he was not married to pour an extravagant costly amount of perfume over His feet mixed with her tears as she applied it.  The one who talked with those who weren’t His people, yet showed them kindness when the custom was to stay well apart.

The one who saves the best for last humbled Himself to death, letting the enemy think he had won.

But God knew the end of that story, and which was & is: His story will never end, but last forever!

If i have to choose between sitting with the low of my day- the single moms, the divorced, the broke, the homeless, the strugglers… versus those who might have it all together in appearances but not give me the time of day? I choose to stay with the humble.

I am so happy to be in His stronghold that I am content to sit anywhere, as long as I can see Jesus!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I want to sit on His lap, be wrapped in His embrace, and gaze adoringly into His eyes & face.

And I know He wants me to, coz He adores me.

Yet I can see Him in the love that flows between the humble ones I choose to sit with. The ones who struggle to pay their bills, to care for difficult family members, who suffer loss and experience grief. For I am one of the broken, the lost that He came to save and restore.

Jesus humbled himself to our level, to meet our needs face to face. I can not but do the same.

When we humble ourselves as He leads, He will lift us up. Maybe not in the material ways we tend to associate with greatness, but His word promises He will lift us up.

I would rather hear His voice say “Well done!” than live in a mansion with everything I could desire, save Him..

I have seen enough power struggles on the news and the lives of those closest to me to know that greatness apart from God has no eternal value.

So yes, I would rather humbly walk the slow walk with one I am ministering to as He leads, than hobnob with those who are rich & famous, and full of their own self importance.

It is who we are within that reveals true greatness, not what is only skin deep on the outside, or actions which don’t last into eternity.

I choose to sit at the same tables Jesus did, and walk with those He walked beside, because I too am broken & know just how much I need Him.

Note: I am NOT saying humble people who do great things are haughty. Haughty comes out as an expression of the heart. Nor am I saying not to do great things. Allow God to promote you as you seek Him, not the accolades.

Reason #3 to Give Thanks: Because He Cares

Karla Lees

Today, I was ready for a day to myself. To worship, soak in the tub, do an online course and a bunch of writing.

God interrupted my plans with two kids unexpectedly home under foot, a phone prob, and updates to project work…not the day I had expected to have on my day off this week.

Yet somehow, as I intentionally made time to spend in the Word throughout the day as I could, I could sense God with me in a different way than usual.

By purposefully making space for Him to move in, He showed up with a calming peace I wasn’t expecting.

I am learning that His Presence with me all the time is awesome, but its more than just knowing I am not alone.

God thinks I am awesome, and continues to pour out the wild & passionate love of a fiance to me.

When my hubby and I were first dating, we spent our first summer apart. I was at sleepover camp up north, he was on a summer mission trip through the Maritimes. He wrote me every single day. (I wrote one long letter every week, coz I could only post once a week). Whether a post card, a mushy card, a cheesy card or a letter, he poured out his heart for me…and helped me fall even deeper in love despite the distance.

God is love. He didn’t need us. But he wanted us. And that is the most amazing thing. 

 ~ Rick Warren

God has done the same for us.
Not only did He die for us, He wrote the best love letter in history for us to catch His heart for each one of us.

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.  ~ Augustine

And that love, that amazingly astonishly awesome passionate breathtaking deep pure abandon He sends our way, is worth thanking Him for every moment of every day, and on into eternity!

 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great LOVE with which he LOVED us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ; by grace you have been saved…

Ephesians 2:4-5

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his LOVE; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast LOVE and faithfulness.

Psalm 86:15

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast LOVE with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations…

Deuteronomy 7:9

Psalm 136 repeats the chorus after every line of thanks or praise for who God is: “His love endures forever!”

I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Jeremiah 29:11

Knowing the God of the universe loves ME? Back then, right now and for all eternity? Cares about me? Wants to bless me with good things? Is always with me?

Anytime now becomes the right time to give thanks!

image

when finding your place in this world is awkward

Karla Lees

The Christmas story is filled with awkward.

What else would you expect from a family tree which includes a prostitute, foreigners, broken relationships, wars, and a king or two…

A story with key people whose dreams came true, but in ways they didn’t anticipate:

Zechariah & Elizabeth having John in their later years.  Not arriving in their youth as they would have thought. Then they failed to name him according to tradition, as if the miracle baby needed even more attention….

Joseph got the girl of His dreams- who surprise! came already with child. An unexpected instant family.

Mary made pregnant by the Holy Spirit. So not the traditional way.

The Romans calling a census, so it was likely Mary would not be home with her family or midwife to have her baby.

Three angelic sightings – each sharing awkwardly good news with the hearer:

Your dream is coming true,
but its gonna look like this!

We are all hardwired…

…to want to belong.
…to feel loved.
…to know that we matter.

I believe God hardwired us this way on purpose.

Then He drops our deepest desire into our hearts.  And once we figure out what that is, we want nothing more than to see it fulfilled.

The same can be said of God.

He wants to fulfill the God-given desires and dreams He has given us.

But He is going to fill them how He knows they will be the best gift possible- His way.

Because God knew the timeline for the Christmas story, each part was layered to be great on its own, but fantastic when out together.

Tonight, I make the choice to see the big picture instead of my limited view. Believing that God has it all under control, when all I can see is in pieces and awkward!

God with us, despite our messiness.

Guiding us through as we place ourselves in His capable hands.

Just like Mary & Joseph, Zechariah & Elizabeth, trusting He is going to do something amazing with the little we have to offer Him!

#AdventuresinAdvent continue…

entrusting a teen with the King

Karla Lees

I was very struck by God’s choice of Mary.

Not because I don’t think she was a good choice, but because she wasn’t the obvious choice.

Most of us, if we are honest, would have chosen a gal more like Elizabeth: wise in experience, settled, already married.

Not a teenager still living at home.

But we look at this part of the Christmas story from our own time in history. Our culture, our values, our biases.

God looks at it as an important part of His Story. His values, first and foremost.

Mary had a deep faith, and likely deep dependence upon God based on her life experience and background. The Word doesn’t mention her upbringing, so it was likely a normal one.
Our hope for our daughters is for them to be lovingly well suited in marriage, with a good job, and a nice place to live.

I am sure Mary’s parents wanted the same for her that my husband and I do for our’s:

His best.

God chose Mary, whom He considered His best, as the mother of His greatest gift to us.

Mary must have been quaking in her sandals at the thought of the enormity of responsibility being placed on her shoulders.

The Messiah was going to grow in her womb, despite her innocence.
The one who will save His people.
The one they have been waiting for for generations.

There must have been quite the inner revelation going on in Mary shortly after, likely the following key questions:

1) What will my parents think?

2) What will Joseph, my fiancee, think?

3) What will my community think?

4) What’s going to happen?

In those days, (mostly our days too) a pregnancy is an obvious sign of bedroom activity.  Which in God’s design is supposed to be reserved for the marriage bed only.

Any one of Mary’s family, her fiancee or her neighbors all would have had the right to publicly accuse her as her pregnancy became evident, and the price if convicted? Stoning.

Right off the bat, this baby literally just conceived is in danger.

And so is His mother.

Yet there is no evidence of Mary worrying written in the Christmas story.

She must have had some awesome rock solid God is going to do it if He says He will and I am safe in His hands no matter what kind of faith. He has said (through Gabriel) He was with her. How she must have clung to that truth.

In those days and times, when the Romans were invading the land, and the Jews were getting restless under their tight reins, God knew the timing was right for His son to be born.

For such a time as this.

God chose Mary, as she was the right choice.

His choice.

Since He is God, after all, Mary was the perfect choice.

God has a habit of choosing what the world would see as foolish to reveal more of His glory as a result.

Of course He would do so in the greatest gift giving He was preparing to unveil!

#AdventuresinAdvent
#TheMaryChronicles

image