Today was a mental fight day.
I couldn’t take too long off, or I knew I would lose the battle.
I find that when I am in recovery, that period between fully sick and fully well, I am not at strong mentally with my defenses. Certainly, extra napping and strong medications may be part of the factors impacting my state of mind. But there seems to be something else.
Without sun, without warmth, without a kind touch, I begin to feel blue and wither a little within, shriveling up on myself to try and hide away.
Today the bluez struck big time.
(image from: http://www.suffolknewsherald.com/2012/01/14/fighting-the-winter-blues/)
I was okay on the bus while cranking my tunes (for me worship tunes are battle music). I ate breakfast, drank my yummy chai rooibos tea while mostly hot. I whipped off the bulk of my to do list before noon.
I took my next medication, and things took a turn for the dumpster.
I felt awful. Too hot, ready to find a dark corner and sleep it off. But…I was at work.
Realizing I could go home early made me feel even worse. And that doing so would be conceding defeat.
I ate my lunch, purged some files, did some techy posty stuff, chatted with some coworkers about a coming project, all the while silently praying that the bluez would subside.
They did.
Until I got home.
When i caught sight of my trashed main floor, 40 minutes before company was due to arrive, I almost gave in.
I pushed up my sleeves, tapped in a strong assistant, and 35 minutes later it was done.
I decided to take a quick recharge my batteries break with two of my fave recent Darlene Zschech songs with my last five minutes before my friends arrived, while the kettle was on.
By the time the first arrived, I was feeling almost like myself again. A little more tired version, but chipper and glad to see my friends. The chatter and resulting laughter helped banish my bluezy feelings.
What do you do when the bluez try to overtake you?
Do you give in?
Do you fight back?
Do you pull out your secret weapon? In my case, praise and prayer?
I am a hardwired communicator, so I find music, books, and movies invigorating and great assets in helping me cope with hope when the world seems dreary and blah.
One of my friends is a garden whiz. She loves to plan, plant, and dream about her gardening.
Another finds fitness helps her stay centered and well.
My husband finds a walk outdoors with a friend, chatting along the way helps him to fight his battles against the bluez.
http://www.austinpug.org/the-minimalists-guide-to-fighting-the-blues/ is a good basic list of healthy ways to face the bluez.
No matter what you choose, know that the bluez do not last forever.
The despair and doubt of the day after Good Friday does not last beyond Easter Sunday.
Good news IS coming.
Spring WILL arrive.
Winter WILL be over.
The sun will shine again.
The rain, although not much to look at, serves a purpose. To soak the ground, to help it produce a good harvest.
May the bluez we all fight soak us enough to appreciate the sunny times ahead, but never enough to turn into despair.
KARLA LEES @hopenHispresenz 